How to make new friends

One of the core features of gaming which kept drawing me back to it, was the “push-button social life”. If I ever felt stressed or just lonely, all I had to do was log in and there’d be someone to chat to, or play games with. That cosy convenience was almost impossible to let go of until I started making more friends in RL.

Making new friends in RL is really not as difficult (or seemingly impossible) as I once thought. I used to suffer from social anxiety, which also made the process seem even more daunting. However, the best way I’ve found to get over that and make new friends is to just do an activity you like doing, which involves other people. Then allow friendships to naturally form around that activity over time. I’ve found that board game and D&D groups are fantastic for this, especially if you’re heavily into MMORPGS and want a similar pastime in RL. Playing D&D in-person with RL friends is just wonderful to me. Some of the memories our little group has made together whilst on our imaginary adventures are just hilarious. I still remember that feeling of downing a boss with my guild in WoW as quite intoxicating, but playing D&D with RL friends in-person is more meaningful and fun.

After making a few new friends in a local D&D group, I started branching out and trying more things. For example, I wanted to improve my physical health as well as my mental health, so I started going to the gym. I also made more friends through language exchange opportunities and volunteering. Pretty much anything you can think of that’s in some way wholesome (studying a language, helping other people, exercising, am-dram type stuff), will probably lead you to some good people. From those good people, good friendships can naturally form.

It’s also important to not try too hard with these things. You don’t need to be constantly talking or entertaining people in order to make friends with them. In fact, if you spend less time talking, and more time listening to what they have to say, then they’ll likely become more interested in you.

I’ve also heard people say “just be yourself” when it comes to making friends. I do agree with this, but only within the bounds of my own interpretation of it, which is to say:

* Be honest (forget “fake it till you make it”).

* Don’t try too hard (you don’t need to impress anyone).

* Just have fun and enjoy the time you spend with others (you don’t need to “get” anything).

There’s obviously a whole lot more to making RL friends, but making a start is the important thing, and so I hope this little post helps inspire you in some way.